Good Parents? Bad Parents?

I actually do not have much experience in this topic, being a parent for just 15months. But being a teacher for about 7 years did teach me a thing or two about parenting. I've come across many children and looking at how they behave, I truly believe that a child needs to be nurtured more than to depend on his or her nature. In my opinion, maybe 15% is nature and the rest nurtured.

I asked Leo and Celest today to ask their parents if parenting was this difficult during their time. Nigel hasn't been acting himself for the past few days. He is driving almost everybody in the house up the walls. But how do we as parents deal with a difficult child? Do we spank without giving any chances? Do we reason with them and just wait for them to turn around one day? Or do we just ignore such bad behaviour and hope that it is just a phase which will pass?

It is very difficult being a parent. Leo said that it may be due to us being exposed to too many sources which tells us what we should and shouldn't do, and what are expected out of us as parents. Sigh... it is a never-ending debate. Many feel that the cane works the best, including Fred. Their reason was that we were caned when we were young and we turned out fine. Fred's favourite phrase is "Just whack!!" That is not my stand though... I was told that I've spoilt Gabriel by only scolding him when he does something naughty and I should smack him a little so he remembers what he is not supposed to do. If not I'm smacking him too softly. Due to this kind of pressure from people around me, I am resorting to physical punishment more often now. I am not proud of myself for succumbing to such pressure and I always feel bad after that. I am not sure if I should risk being called a bad parent or risk having a child who is labelled "spoilt". Being a parent to one child is definitely more difficult and more challenging than being a teacher to 44 kids!! So, what is my stand then? Talk first, five warnings, let him know of consequences and if he still does whatever he was told to stop doing, I will smack him on his hand. Takes up a lot of my patience and tolerance. If I was very tempted to raise my hands, I will just walk away and ignore him for a while, just to cool down. Kids are really energy-zapping wonders. :)

Human beings are famous for giving labels. Children are often labelled naughty, mischievous, spoilt, etc, etc. They are being condemned for their behaviour, their parents, teachers, schools and people who are related to them are often not spared. Condemn the act, not the child. No wonder some kids have very low self esteem and low confidence.

I feel that our job as parents these days, besides providing the best we can for them, is to shape positive behaviour and atttitudes, to instill good morals and filial piety .... I am sure our parents had the same responsibilities back then. But I guess pressure from society to have world-class children was not that important then. Singapore is all about GEP (Gifted Education Programme), LSP(Learning Support Programme), PSLE, SAP (Govt Aided School) etc, etc.

Am I a good or a bad parent then? I don't know. Guess we'll have to wait another 30 years to see how Gabriel turns out. :)